For it is written, to the one with much juice, much deliciousness will be given unto him. Much love to the juicy.
We here at Luscious Wang are nothing if not woke. We care deeply about whatever bull crap cause that you care about. To that end, we are taking a minute to inform your non-woke ass of various causes throughout each month that you can shove up your cultural appropriating privileged ass.
You make us sick.
Take this freaking ribbon and get the fuck out of our face, you bigot.
Brittney Yevette Griner is an American professional basketball player for the Phoenix Mercury of the Women’s National Basketball Association.
Griner is one of 11 women to receive an Olympic gold medal, an NCAA Championship, a Fiba World cup gold and a WNBA Championship.
Standing 6 foot 9 inches tall, Griner wears a men’s US size 17 shoe and has an arm span of 87.5 inches.
Bigfoot, also commonly referred to as Sasquatch, is a purported ape-like creature said to inhabit the forests of North America.
Some alleged observations describe Bigfoot as large, muscular and more man-like.
Some descriptions have the creatures standing as tall as 6 to 9 foot tall with feet as long as 24 inches.
What do these two have to do with each other?
Possibly nothing or possibly everything!
In February 2022, Griner was detained by the Russian Federal Customs Service on allegations that cartridges containing hashish oil had been found in her luggage. She had been entering Russia to play with the Russian Premier League during the WNBA offseason. To date she remains in custody.
Was this just a the incredibly stupid actions of a not that bright basketball player. or. was this a carefully crafted extraction effort by the government to help return Brittney back to the woods she loves so dear. to forage for truffles, hit the open man on the give-and-go and eat feral hogs?
What is the government hiding? What do they know? Join us as we effort to determine whether recent sightings are…
Brittney or Bigfoot?
July is Eye Injury Prevention Month. Be sure to wear eye protection while servicing young delicious nubile wangs. You don’t want to get pink eye.
July is also National Corn Month. Celebrate by making yourself a reverse Advent calendar and shoving a new cob of corn up your butt everyday until August.
The first week of July is Clean Beaches Week. Are your beaches filthy? Do your beaches smell? Do you beaches need a thorough cleansing, a douching if you will? Then get those beaches a spit shine during Clean Beaches week.
July 14th is a very special day. First of all it is National Nude Day. What better way to celebrate than dropping trow at the DMV?
Then celebrate National Tape Measure Day by asking for help measuring Mister Happy during the driving test.
Finally, celebrate National Mac & Cheese Day by making sweet love to the Mac & Cheese at Golden Corral.
July 23rd is Gorgeous Grandma Day. Find your favorite GILF and go break a hip.
July 15th is National Pet Fire Safety Day. Celebrate by seeing how flame retardant your pet is by trying to set them on fire.
July 15th is also National I Love Horses Day. Show your love to you horses by offering them a special carrot. Remember Neigh doesn’t necessarily mean neigh. If they resist, just remind them that they could easily be dog food or glue. They’ll come around.
July 20th is National Hot Dog Day. See how many hot dogs you can fit up your ass
July 25th is National Schizophrenia Awareness Day. Wait. Who said that? The wind? What’s my name? Who’s your daddy? Is he rich like me? The squirrels want my nuts. The government knows I’m not a homosexual. Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the devil, and the government is lying about 9-11. Happy National Schizophrenia Awareness Day.
July 26th is National Bagelfest Day. Celebrate by putting as many bagels you can on your cock and offering everyone at the office some freshly squeezed cream cheese. Have a blessed National Bagelfest Day
I think I may have had an encounter the other day with my two friends, Zeke and Cleetus. We were hunting for wild hog on the yellow river. We were in some super thick pine wood area that had a ton of hog sign which was right by the river and swamp area. We had just found a big sign of uprooted area from hog and we decided to sit for a second and see if we could hear anything.
A few minutes after that, I heard what sounded like a person dribbling a basketball at the top of the key. We approached the sound into a clearing in the woods. That’s when we saw it.
It was this horrendous looking creature working on its fundamentals. Lay ups, finger rolls, step back jumpers. Nothing fancy, just fundamental basketball because that’s what sports fans really want to see.
That’s when Zeke fell asleep and started to snore. That startled the creature who shouted something about it being just as entertaining as men’s basketball and how we were misogynist as it darted back into the woods. Cleetus shit himself but that’s just because of the lack of sphincter control after all these years of “hog hunting”.
I arrived home and observed the movement of what appeared to be a 7 ft tall broad chested hairy animal. It was in a defensive stance at the foul line.
I took the rock straight towards the beast, spin move at the three-point line, left handed jam while grabbing my nuts. This only enraged the animal.
It took the ball back to the top of the key. Did a couple of jab steps, pump fakes, too much dribbling. I stole that shit, pivoted along the baseline and once again jammed it in while making jizzing motions with my other hand.
This went on for a good 30 minutes. I messed around and got a triple double, freaking that creature every way like MJ. The monster eventually faded into the woods mumbling about muscle density and center of gravity.
