Month: July 2022
July AwarenessJuly Awareness
July is Eye Injury Prevention Month. Be sure to wear eye protection while servicing young delicious nubile wangs. You don’t want to get pink eye.
July is also National Corn Month. Celebrate by making yourself a reverse Advent calendar and shoving a new cob of corn up your butt everyday until August.
The first week of July is Clean Beaches Week. Are your beaches filthy? Do your beaches smell? Do you beaches need a thorough cleansing, a douching if you will? Then get those beaches a spit shine during Clean Beaches week.
July 14th is a very special day. First of all it is National Nude Day. What better way to celebrate than dropping trow at the DMV?
Then celebrate National Tape Measure Day by asking for help measuring Mister Happy during the driving test.
Finally, celebrate National Mac & Cheese Day by making sweet love to the Mac & Cheese at Golden Corral.
July 23rd is Gorgeous Grandma Day. Find your favorite GILF and go break a hip.
July 15th is National Pet Fire Safety Day. Celebrate by seeing how flame retardant your pet is by trying to set them on fire.
July 15th is also National I Love Horses Day. Show your love to you horses by offering them a special carrot. Remember Neigh doesn’t necessarily mean neigh. If they resist, just remind them that they could easily be dog food or glue. They’ll come around.
July 20th is National Hot Dog Day. See how many hot dogs you can fit up your ass
July 25th is National Schizophrenia Awareness Day. Wait. Who said that? The wind? What’s my name? Who’s your daddy? Is he rich like me? The squirrels want my nuts. The government knows I’m not a homosexual. Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the devil, and the government is lying about 9-11. Happy National Schizophrenia Awareness Day.
July 26th is National Bagelfest Day. Celebrate by putting as many bagels you can on your cock and offering everyone at the office some freshly squeezed cream cheese. Have a blessed National Bagelfest Day
Humboldt County, CaliforniaHumboldt County, California
I was stationed at Beale AFB, Ca., and I would always drive around looking for the next great fishing hole. I had been driving for quite some time and had decided to pull into Humboldt Redwood State Park.
I started seeing a lot of places where I was thinking I could fish, so I started to slow down even more to find a place to park.
When out of nowhere something walked across the road. It had to have been over 7 feet tall and well over 350 lbs. As far as physical features all I saw was the back and arm swing. The thing never turned around for me to get a better look at it. But it had a large back and rather long arms. As far as the neck goes it didn’t really have one. The animal’s traps made it look like it didn’t have a neck. The hideous beast was dribbling and smoking hashish. It offered me a slim jim and I yelled, “Get behind me satan!” and ran away.
